I became officially bankrupt (business bankruptcy) on February 4, 2008.
How I got here, how it has affected me and how I have dealt with it is a story that is intensely personal, difficult to discuss and still unfolding. But it's a story that's worth telling...
Throughout this experience, like many others in my life, I wished there was someone I could talk to who really understood and could give me guidance and reassurance. By sharing my experience, I hope I can be that voice for others who find themselves in a similar situation. It is the first definition that most people associate first with bankruptcy, but in my experience the first definition was the last stop on a long and difficult road.
The final acceptance of a fate which in hindsight was decided much earlier. And, it has to be said, after falling such a long way from the top, the last few feet to the bottom are in many ways a relief. While official bankruptcy is often the last in a long chain of events, it is also the first link in an entirely new chain. Bankruptcy is the ultimate failure, but also the ultimate freedom. Bankruptcy is freedom from debt. This is a freedom that not many people have the opportunity to experience, so savour it. Do not let the resentment of others become your guilt. Some people see bankruptcy as an easy way out - a burden which must be borne by others, especially resented by those who feel they have had it tough themselves and have managed to get by without complaint. Don't feel guilty. You have the right to liberty and freedom from oppression. Debt was your master and you were its slave. Bankruptcy is freedom from slavery, an acknowledgement of unbearable hardship and a release from pain and suffering.
Bankruptcy is an important instrument of a compassionate society. There is absolutely no shame in using an instrument for the exact purpose it was designed to be used. You have discharged your responsibilities to the debts you owed. Let them go. You are free. But freedom does not guarantee a free ride. Far from it. Freedom comes with its own responsibilities. True freedom is also true self-reliance. In other words, among other things you are now free to starve. Bankruptcy is not just about having no money. It is also about feeling impoverished and depleted, completely lacking in quality and value. Don't be afraid to acknowledge those feelings too. Don't be naive enough to think you can just dust yourself off and be on your way. Have you learned nothing from your experience?
If you are bankrupt, you are not just running on empty, you are empty. Accept it. There's no point putting on a brave face - the worst has already happened. Don't think too much about how you got here or what you're going to do next, there'll be time for that later. Right now you're in shock, you need care and nourishment. Everything else can wait. Food is what nourishes us, physically, mentally and spiritually. Make time to rest. Spend time with friends - you'll soon find out who your real friends are. You don't need to perform for them, or explain. Your real friends will just sit with you. They may even help you see the funny side. Time is your friend at the moment. Take advantage of that. Take the time to rest and rediscover things you enjoy. Savour the experience of living at your own pace.
Don't be too quick to load yourself up with new cares and responsibilities, you'll only be forced to discover how weak you are in your current state. Things will happen when you're ready, not before. Recovering from major injury and trauma takes time. Bankruptcy is the result of major injury and trauma - don't be afraid to acknowledge what you have experienced. You may be impatient for life to return to 'normal' - such an attitude would also be to miss an opportunity to learn from what has happened. What is normal? Surely you don't want to go back to the things that caused you to end up here? Perhaps you would like to retrieve some of what you had, but not other things. Which parts would you keep and what don't you need? What would you do differently next time?
Now is the time to reflect. Time is the greatest teacher. Resist the urge to simply go back and try what you did before with the lessons you have learnt. Instead, open your mind to new ideas. Learn new perspectives from others - you may find you don't wish to make another try at what you did before at all. Absorb everything you have learned, make peace with the past and be ready to move onto something new.
